Hi, I'm an addict named...

For the first time in more than a year and a half I ventured into a NA meeting last night. What a strong impression that circle of chairs still leaves on me. I get filled with a nervous energy, tense with the question of whether or not I'll speak. "Hi, I'm an addict named..." I looked around at the faces and wondered who had used that day, even right before they came in to the meeting. Who had fallen off the wagon. It's a welcoming group if you ever attend the meeting. People who the outside world wrongly consider to be the scum of the earth tend to be very welcoming to others, especially those who have also been ostracized.

I've never been quite comfortable there myself though. Funny how in a place like that I could still feel out of place, but I do. The people there are in a life and death struggle for their lives with their addictions. I am not. I struggle with the disorders that in turn cause the addictions, but drugs themselves would never be my end. I tried for a long time to lie myself into believing I was an addict; that's what I was supposed to do. If I said I wasn't, well obviously I was just in denial...but no, that's just not how it was. It's not how it is, and I can never feel part of a group with which I share so little in common. I don't need their twelves steps, not to get by each day.

It was an interesting experience after going so long without a meeting. It definitely threw me for a bit of a loop in my mind, but I'm pulling it together now. If nothing else, I learned that I don't need that kind of thing in my life.

Farmville, really?

I work from my computer all day long, and I generally have some down time. For some reason I can't seem to spend that time doing homework so instead I normally play a million and a half facebook games. Yes, I admit it. I'm a farmville whore. Shame on me for flooding your newsfeed with my endless postings asking for gifts and giving out random things I find on my farm. You know, you could just block the application. People act like that is so hard. "Oh gosh, I was so tired of all those game posts I finally had to block the application from my feed." Really? You mean you had to hover next to the link and press 'block application'? I'm so sorry to cause you so much trouble. And yeah, that right there might be one of the cooler farmville dwellers.

In other news, my husband has recently returned to his WoW life. I'm a fan myself but I'm more of a solo gamer. Teamwork is a little beyond my controlling nature and need to do things my own way. I'm stubborn, what can I say? Therefore I've always been a bit more attached to games like Diablo (or Diablo II, since it was way more awesome imo). I got excited when I heard about Diablo III but I've lost track of it's progress towards release. I'm hoping come summertime when I'm out of school I'll actually have time to play something. I haven't touched a thing beyond random internet games in ages. Pretty sure the last thing I did was finally get around to finishing FFIX in December. Long live Vivi!

Alright then, day two.

It's got to be a little odd to be writing to no one. When I was an angsty teenager, I used to keep an online journal that was a bit of a vent for me. "Private" thoughts that I got a little affirmation for by putting them out in front of other angsty teenagers.

Apparently angsty is not a word. Fear not angsty, I like you anyway.

Regardless, now I feel as if I'm writing for an audience...only the audience as of yet does not exist. Hello invisible readers! Is that an echo of empty space I hear? I know this blog won't become popular because I have nothing to offer to readers except my own quirky personality. I'm not devoted enough to any one hobby or discipline to have a main topic for this blog. So, if anyone reads this...I just feel so dang special. I must be a tiny bit interesting after all.

Why seawater?

Well, because I want to. There's nothing like a bit of seawater to refresh you. Not to mention it tastes terrible and will make your eyes sting if you open them up underwater. Life is a bit like seawater I think.

Thus, with that said, do we begin our journey. Will I be a dedicated blogger? We'll see. Will I have hordes of fans that worship every little word I type? Yeah, no, probably not. That's ok. I like to read myself type anyway. (Interesting, that just does not work the same, does it?)